1. |
Fear Of Self
01:37
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Thought it was a passing phase
Now I know the path that's paved
Hard to keep demons away
And without change my mind decays
Years later and I'm still the same
No scapegoat no one else to blame
The way I feel I can't explain
Can't find the urge to live today
Lines blurred somewhere between
Supressed thoughts/loss of memory
Falling behind feels like I'm stuck
The world carries on with no second thought
My cry for help burned every bridge
I wasted years on getting built
The mirror shows my obstacle
The only plug I've yet to pull
Now I'm alone
Now I'm a threat
Not to the world
But to myself
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2. |
Deprecation
02:35
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Some days are worse than others
I wake up and question my worth
Stress builds and I block my problems
And mask a soul that's lost and hurt
No one knows the bullshit I forced myself to endure
Spent years hating myself feeling so insecure
Shame and self loathing is how I hurt myself
Shame and self loathing from how I turn down help
I can't confront the shit I fear
Or quit hurting those I hold near
Push come to shove and now I see
I'm dead inside it's what I've been
Another day as I decay
All hope for change just slips away
Hide in my skin but I'm not safe
I buried my whole life in shame
I buried my life in shame
The need to self inflict and destroy myself
It pains me to admit, crushed by life and by death
Crushed by life and by death
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3. |
Pitfalls
02:33
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Stress keeps me up at night
Can't stop these thoughts that blunts my mind
Been struggling with this crippling feeling for years
And the gaze of the world fill my life with fears
Do they know? What do they know? How do I cover my tracks?
If I'm caught red handed, they will trace them all back
What I need and I seek are the things that I lack
If I'm feeling deceived I am turning my back
On myself and this world
There's nothing left I'm lost in the cold
I'm broken, I'm weak
Too tired to sleep
I'm forgotten when I'm suffering
No one to put my faith into, the trust I had abused by you
There's no more time to borrow
I'm drowning in a world of sorrow
Fell far too deep this time
into the pitfalls of my mind
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4. |
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You can stop acting like you're listening
Go ahead and pick their side again
Say one thing, mean something else
But this time I wanna see you take this to the end
You made the decision to hold my own words against me
At least now I know you will listen because I'm everything that you see
Can't wait to watch you suffer and learn like I did the hard way
"Time heals all wounds" is not true and this wound gets deeper every day
You make it clear that you wanna be a thorn in my side
So now I have to perceive everything that you say as lies
You're trying to play games but I'm tired of playing nice
You think you can redeem yourself and I'm waiting for you to try
I wear your blood, it blesses me
By our hands it comes in degrees
You scream, you cry, you beg, you plead
How sweet the sound, the fear of the enemy
My will is strong but my conscience is weak
I feel the ground trembling under my feet
You lost yourself in a haze of the streets
Paralyzed with fear, you will submit
Now you'll fucking know what I think of you
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5. |
Contemplating Emptiness
03:11
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Overwhelmed by moments of utter despair
Every interaction, always trying to disappear
Always out of touch, never good enough
Battling depression but it feels more like I'm being crushed
Trying to keep from losing my grip
The harder I squeeze the faster I slip
Can't alter my thoughts or how I feel
This is all I've got, all that's real
Desperate to withdraw and shelter inside
I don't belong in this world so now I seek the other side
Guilt keeps me from lifting this veil
Always on the verge of throwing it all away
Can I blame it on my luck? Do I blame it on myself?
Does anybody give a fuck? Is it all just in my head?
Mistakes I've smeared across my life
Words fail to express what's happening inside
Life without cause, life without purpose
Grasping at straws, contemplating emptiness
Buried in my head, struggle to comprehend
If this is how it ends, let it be over with
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No Saving Grace Västerås, Sweden
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